Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
