So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
