I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
