She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
