seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
