Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I believe in your delicious
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
