I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
