my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
