Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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