Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
this hospital has no fireball
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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