Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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