Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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