So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
