i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
two words...techno handjob
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
