He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
