oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
