Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
