Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
