He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
