she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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