I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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