Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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