Your mouth is God's brothel.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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