So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
