but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
