Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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