God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
