This girl is more easily done than said...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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