Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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