I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
