i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
