i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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