Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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