Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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