My Higher Power is John Stamos
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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