You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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