She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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