he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
