I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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