i just wanna soil my oats bro
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
