Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
