I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
