he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
