You can't motorboat a personality
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
PANTIES FOUND
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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