Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
