I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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