i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
