what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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