I met the friendliest cop last night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
