the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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