I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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