he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My cat gives me a boner
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
