are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
