Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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