Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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