at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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