Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
