i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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