whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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