But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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