i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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