You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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