I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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