Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
