Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
