He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
