PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize