Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
