Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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