I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
