I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
