Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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