peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
