dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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