he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
