And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
