I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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