Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
