She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
