it hurts more in the daytime
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
